Well, dad's done working.

Today was his last day at UTA. After 27+ years he decided he was old enough to leave the place. He's already decided that we are going to go fishing every day from now to eternity. Can't wait.

I think I need to go drinking with Scott.

Tonight I learned something I already knew but seem to have forgotten.

Most people fret about themselves and their status,
but you don't have to do this.

What is success and failure?

If you have prestige and favor,
all you worry about is that it'll get taken away.
And if you have a lowly place,
you are basically afraid.
So, both, at the root, make for fear.

What does it mean that success is a problem?

It means people are to bound up in themselves.
If they weren't so self-obsessed
they'd have no reason to be worried.

If you can put yourself aside -
then you can do things for the whole of the world.
And if you love the world, like this
then you are ready to serve it.

~Tao Te Ching

FINALLY!!!

I got my call back from UTA on the job I applied for. I go in on Christmas Eve to take another test. Guess I had a score close to someone else. I thought I was out of the running completly. This would be a premo job if I could get it. I guess we will see.

It's done.

Connie is in with her parents and I have space. For the past 24 hours I have been boxing up the little things that got left behind. Con will have to come and get them sometime soon. I was happy to know that my sleeping habits haven't changed. In bed at 11:00pm up at 3:00am . Four hours no more no less. I guess I should be glad I get any sleep at all. If it weren't for Ambien I probably wouldn't.

I went to the Doctor today and he informed me that it's all in my head and it's grey. I can't have green or yellow like everyone else I have to have grey. Biaxin, mmmmmmmmm, got to love it. At least my lungs are alright. I have been worried that it was starting to settle down in them. I have worked hard at not getting sick because I am afraid of turning back into that worthless blob that I was a few years ago.

Well, guess I am going to go up and study for awhile. I moved my butt ugly, orange chair upstairs. It is the most comfortable chair in the whole world. I can now sit by my window and read. Got to love that.

So I am sitting here chatting with my Cousin. Her name is Grace too. She is on the otherside of the world, literally. She lives in Melborne, Australia. 20 years ago I was trying to figure out how to write simple DOS programs. 10 years ago I was running from technology as a whole. 5 years ago I was wishing I had just stayed in school. Today, I talk to my Cousin in Melborne via a few simple wires and a keyboard. Wow. My Cuz, she's one of those geeky computer people too. She is getting her MCSD (Microsoft Certified Software Designer), maybe it's the name. She's only a few years older than me. From all I know about her she's a pretty cool gal. She has 2 aunt's named Grace, my Mom and our Aunt Boppo (I don't get the nick-name either). We were all named after my Aunt Boppo's and my Grandma's Mom. Believe it or not we actually have a picture of all 5 of the Grace's. Kinda cool considering 1 is dead and 2 live in the USA. Got to love technology.

Life is interesting isn't it.

1 potatoe, 2 potatoe, 3 potatoe, 4...
5 potatoe, 6 potatoe, 7 potatoe, more?

Ok all, I jumped the gun on Monday. I still am protective of Connie. I have, however, been reminded not to be. So I won't anymore. Besides, I have been reduced to a simple letter. When you can't even be called by name I suppose you should bloody well move on. So I believe I will do a bit o' grave dancing, if you will pardon the expression.

As for those who use other's as convience item's, I believe Lorene is correct. Time to let that boat float on it's own. If it sinks, well, oops, not my problem or anyone else's as far as I know.

You all have a good day now, ya here!

I erased it anyway Lorene. I'll just email it to you.

Ugh! I feel like shit today. Which one of you out in that wide world gave me this head cold and how did you manage to give it. If my head does implode you will feel real sorry. The party on Saturday was nice. Sorry I wasn't more "perky". That will come with time. I am real glad I ran into Jodi though. Man I can't believe how old she's getting. That makes me ancient. And don't you few out there whine that you're going to be 30 this year. It's still not as old as me, and I hate to say this, and never will be.

Well if I am going to manage to do anything today I need to go shove my head under a shower nozzle to loosen some of this crap.

Yeah Right!!!

If I were a work of art, I would be Vincent Van Gogh's The Starry Night. I am a tiny village at peace while overhead rages the tumult of the heavens. Objects whirl and flash around me in a fevered haze only partially reflected in reality while I remain grounded and secure in my isolation. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

Yup, that's Me...



Take the What Cat Are You? test by webkin

Man am I tired today. You know sometimes the best lessons in life are never learned and no matter what people say and no matter what you say back the truth of the matter is that you still won't ever learn that lesson.

*SIGH*

I'm ok now for the most part anyway. I will be mucking up my blog here shortly though so everyone be patient with me again.

YES!!!! We have internet!

Ok so here is what I was going to post on Saturday but couldn't...

Argh!

So AT&T is fucked up right now and I have no connection and can’t even get through on the phone line to the tech support to try to get this fixed. I really hate that. It pisses me off.

Today is not going to be one of those good breakup days. I have come to realize that I really do hate all that is happening. I am angry and mad and confused and I am tired of saying that this is for the best. I don’t think that it is. I lied. I want Connie here with me forever and I don’t get that. It’s not fair. It’s fucked up. What the hell happened to us? Where did all that life that we had in our marriage go? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

I am going into survival mode, which means that all I want to do is hurry up, and find someone else to fuck so that I can forget about the hurting. I know that it won’t take away the pain. I know that it would devastate Connie if I did. I know I really don’t want either on to happen. The pain will actually be good because at least I will learn never to give myself away to anyone again and Con really doesn’t deserve to be hurt.

I ache inside. I feel like shit. I don’t know what to do and I hate smiling and laughing and saying that things will be fine. So I‘m not going to anymore. I am going to cry and yell and scream and curl up in a ball in bed with the covers over my head and shut out the world.

Fucking AT&T. I wish they would hurry up and come back online so that I can post this and then go and hide. Man, am I angry. My head is burning. It’s probably good that I am writing all of this out now.

I know I’ll “get over it”. But, you know, it took 7 years to get here and I think I should have at least that many months before I can say it‘s not as bad as it is now.

Fuck the world, fuck relationships, fuck women!

And fuck AT&T.

I’m going to bed.

Man does this fit

Your Personalized Horoscope 11/30/01

Get your head out of the clouds today, Grace, and come back to earth for just a little bit. There are some things you need to take care of here. Mundane tasks and routine jobs won't be painful after you simply set your mind on getting the jobs done. You are actually able to accomplish quite a bit today. Just make sure that you keep a level head about the actual reality of the situation.

What does your Rising Sign have to say?

Too much exposure to computers or other irritants might have you feeling a little bit achy in the eyes and hands, so if you use computers make sure you take periodic breaks. This is also not a good day to run, as your muscles are more vulnerable than usual. Walk for exercise instead. A lot of fascinating information could come your way via the Web or other modern innovations. Do take care, though, even when reading.

Man, Scott where do you find these things?

If I was a James Bond villain, I would be Rosa Klebb. I enjoy severe military clothing, dominating young women, and kicking people with poisoned spikes. I am played by Lotte Lenya in From Russia With Love. Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test

What's scary is it's true!

I am 68% SKA.



Well, maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I shouldn't forget my roots, and remember that punk and reggae wouldn't exist without ska.

OK! You all know what's going on. You all know how Connie feels. You all know how I feel according to Lorene. Now here it all is in a nut shell.

EVERYTHING IS GREAT!!!!!!!

I truly mean that. This is actually the second best thing that has ever happened to me. The first was meeting Connie in the first place. Besides, I seem to have a much bigger circle of friends than I gave myself credit for. Thank you to everyone for your concern. Now that I know I had you all hooked, you will never get rid of me. I'm like that gum that get's stuck to the bottom of your shoe that no matter what you do you can never get rid of it all, no matter how much you pick at it. 8-)

I am more focused on school. I have an interview for an internship next week. I am looking into a few job's out of state. So I am finally growing up and becoming an adult again. It's been awhile but I am thinking it's a lot like riding a bike, once you are back on the seat the wheels can only go forward (unless you have one of those really weird bikes and then you can go forward and backward, but I have never had one of those so I am thinking that I'm ok there).

So, not to worry. Breaking up really isn't hard to do, if you do it the right way. We needed this. We had both stopped growing and we we're really beginning to get to each other. We are still great friends and I think it is going to stay that way. I know that we still love each other, we just can't stand the thought of living together. That's cool. I can think of much worse things than that. Like George coming at me with his shotgun. But even her parents are being really cool about this. It's kinda odd, since nothing was ever really said about who WE were to them, not that they didn't know. Like I said, not to worry.

Oh yeah...almost forgot. For all those who know her...Dondra is having a GIRL! Her name will be Abbigail (not sure about how they will spell this one) Victoria (after me) Nance (it's a dad thing). Cameron will have a baby sister sometime in March (I think it should be on the 6th personally).
Rolls are done got to cook the bread now.

By the way I finally answered all your reblogger thingies.