I GOT A NEW JOB!!

I have a new job. Haven't even started the first job and already people want me to come to work for them. Kinda cool to be wanted so much. AT&T Broadband Internet hired me today to do upper level tech. support. If you have ATTBI you know what I am talking about because you most certainly have called them in the last month or so. Kinda cool. I get to screw up other people's computers now. Bad news is I have to wait to take a vacation now. That's ok though. Now I'll have the money to spend on the vacation. They offered me a $1.50 more an hour to train and $2.00 more an hour after training, plus a raise in 90 days and a sweet benefit package that includes 2 weeks paid vacation. You can't beat paid vacation after 90 days. After 6 months I get my internet for free too. Now that alone would make me work for them. Oh and I got to pick exactly what shift I wanted. NICE! Ok so I picked the best shift for the dog so she wouldn't be alone very long but it's still a good deal for me. I don't sleep at night anyway, plus the shift differential is a dollar so I'll be making $3.00 more an hour. Love that. Don't like the split days off deal, but if that's the worst of it then I'll deal some how.

So there you go. Post your resume on the internet and look what can happen. Copying Connie was a good idea.

I AM EMPLOYED!

Yes, yes, after monthes of back breaking (cough) work, I have a JOB. I am now a lowly tech support rep. Not the best job in the world. Certainly not the CAREER I want, but it is a foot in the door. I will actually be getting a real, honest paycheck. I have no idea what to do with that. Oh, and since there is a really good chance I will be pulling the night shift, I have now solved my not sleeping at night problem.

BTW, Wayne's paper was enlightening. It really is amazing that they are still allowing him to attend school.

I am off to see Lord Of The Rings again. I don't think I mentioned how great that movie is.

So here it is 3:00 in the morning and I am wide freaking awake.

Why is it that when I want to sleep my body fights it so ademently? When I have something I want to stay awake for, I can't seem to keep my eye's open? I am getting tired of having to take a pill just so that I can say I actually fell asleep and stayed that way for more than 2 hours.

Well I don't know about the rest of the world but I'm going to go and read Wayne's paper on Global Warming. Oooooo, goody for me.

Sweet Dreams All!

Have I ever mentioned my love of drugs?

While the gang all participated in the joy of the holiday's last night, I was laying in bed trying to study for a test with UTA today and fighting off a screaming migraine. Neither was successful, so I took a sleeping pill and shut off the phones. I managed to fall asleep and get so rest before the "kids" showed up. The good news is I got rid of the headache and the test today was pretty simple. It had quite a few questions about Windows 95, and since we had such a cooprative computer a few monthes ago I happen to have an in depth knowledge of Windows 95. And I thought that we had a bad computer. Little did I know that it knew I needed to learn these things.

I want to wish all a Happy Holiday!! I hope the party was a grand success as usual. Oh, and Mat, sorry I couldn't play attempt to get Grace drunk games with you.

Merry Christmas!!

Well, dad's done working.

Today was his last day at UTA. After 27+ years he decided he was old enough to leave the place. He's already decided that we are going to go fishing every day from now to eternity. Can't wait.

I think I need to go drinking with Scott.

Tonight I learned something I already knew but seem to have forgotten.

Most people fret about themselves and their status,
but you don't have to do this.

What is success and failure?

If you have prestige and favor,
all you worry about is that it'll get taken away.
And if you have a lowly place,
you are basically afraid.
So, both, at the root, make for fear.

What does it mean that success is a problem?

It means people are to bound up in themselves.
If they weren't so self-obsessed
they'd have no reason to be worried.

If you can put yourself aside -
then you can do things for the whole of the world.
And if you love the world, like this
then you are ready to serve it.

~Tao Te Ching

FINALLY!!!

I got my call back from UTA on the job I applied for. I go in on Christmas Eve to take another test. Guess I had a score close to someone else. I thought I was out of the running completly. This would be a premo job if I could get it. I guess we will see.

It's done.

Connie is in with her parents and I have space. For the past 24 hours I have been boxing up the little things that got left behind. Con will have to come and get them sometime soon. I was happy to know that my sleeping habits haven't changed. In bed at 11:00pm up at 3:00am . Four hours no more no less. I guess I should be glad I get any sleep at all. If it weren't for Ambien I probably wouldn't.

I went to the Doctor today and he informed me that it's all in my head and it's grey. I can't have green or yellow like everyone else I have to have grey. Biaxin, mmmmmmmmm, got to love it. At least my lungs are alright. I have been worried that it was starting to settle down in them. I have worked hard at not getting sick because I am afraid of turning back into that worthless blob that I was a few years ago.

Well, guess I am going to go up and study for awhile. I moved my butt ugly, orange chair upstairs. It is the most comfortable chair in the whole world. I can now sit by my window and read. Got to love that.

So I am sitting here chatting with my Cousin. Her name is Grace too. She is on the otherside of the world, literally. She lives in Melborne, Australia. 20 years ago I was trying to figure out how to write simple DOS programs. 10 years ago I was running from technology as a whole. 5 years ago I was wishing I had just stayed in school. Today, I talk to my Cousin in Melborne via a few simple wires and a keyboard. Wow. My Cuz, she's one of those geeky computer people too. She is getting her MCSD (Microsoft Certified Software Designer), maybe it's the name. She's only a few years older than me. From all I know about her she's a pretty cool gal. She has 2 aunt's named Grace, my Mom and our Aunt Boppo (I don't get the nick-name either). We were all named after my Aunt Boppo's and my Grandma's Mom. Believe it or not we actually have a picture of all 5 of the Grace's. Kinda cool considering 1 is dead and 2 live in the USA. Got to love technology.

Life is interesting isn't it.

1 potatoe, 2 potatoe, 3 potatoe, 4...
5 potatoe, 6 potatoe, 7 potatoe, more?

Ok all, I jumped the gun on Monday. I still am protective of Connie. I have, however, been reminded not to be. So I won't anymore. Besides, I have been reduced to a simple letter. When you can't even be called by name I suppose you should bloody well move on. So I believe I will do a bit o' grave dancing, if you will pardon the expression.

As for those who use other's as convience item's, I believe Lorene is correct. Time to let that boat float on it's own. If it sinks, well, oops, not my problem or anyone else's as far as I know.

You all have a good day now, ya here!

I erased it anyway Lorene. I'll just email it to you.

Ugh! I feel like shit today. Which one of you out in that wide world gave me this head cold and how did you manage to give it. If my head does implode you will feel real sorry. The party on Saturday was nice. Sorry I wasn't more "perky". That will come with time. I am real glad I ran into Jodi though. Man I can't believe how old she's getting. That makes me ancient. And don't you few out there whine that you're going to be 30 this year. It's still not as old as me, and I hate to say this, and never will be.

Well if I am going to manage to do anything today I need to go shove my head under a shower nozzle to loosen some of this crap.

Yeah Right!!!

If I were a work of art, I would be Vincent Van Gogh's The Starry Night. I am a tiny village at peace while overhead rages the tumult of the heavens. Objects whirl and flash around me in a fevered haze only partially reflected in reality while I remain grounded and secure in my isolation. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

Yup, that's Me...



Take the What Cat Are You? test by webkin

Man am I tired today. You know sometimes the best lessons in life are never learned and no matter what people say and no matter what you say back the truth of the matter is that you still won't ever learn that lesson.

*SIGH*

I'm ok now for the most part anyway. I will be mucking up my blog here shortly though so everyone be patient with me again.

YES!!!! We have internet!

Ok so here is what I was going to post on Saturday but couldn't...

Argh!

So AT&T is fucked up right now and I have no connection and can’t even get through on the phone line to the tech support to try to get this fixed. I really hate that. It pisses me off.

Today is not going to be one of those good breakup days. I have come to realize that I really do hate all that is happening. I am angry and mad and confused and I am tired of saying that this is for the best. I don’t think that it is. I lied. I want Connie here with me forever and I don’t get that. It’s not fair. It’s fucked up. What the hell happened to us? Where did all that life that we had in our marriage go? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

I am going into survival mode, which means that all I want to do is hurry up, and find someone else to fuck so that I can forget about the hurting. I know that it won’t take away the pain. I know that it would devastate Connie if I did. I know I really don’t want either on to happen. The pain will actually be good because at least I will learn never to give myself away to anyone again and Con really doesn’t deserve to be hurt.

I ache inside. I feel like shit. I don’t know what to do and I hate smiling and laughing and saying that things will be fine. So I‘m not going to anymore. I am going to cry and yell and scream and curl up in a ball in bed with the covers over my head and shut out the world.

Fucking AT&T. I wish they would hurry up and come back online so that I can post this and then go and hide. Man, am I angry. My head is burning. It’s probably good that I am writing all of this out now.

I know I’ll “get over it”. But, you know, it took 7 years to get here and I think I should have at least that many months before I can say it‘s not as bad as it is now.

Fuck the world, fuck relationships, fuck women!

And fuck AT&T.

I’m going to bed.

Man does this fit

Your Personalized Horoscope 11/30/01

Get your head out of the clouds today, Grace, and come back to earth for just a little bit. There are some things you need to take care of here. Mundane tasks and routine jobs won't be painful after you simply set your mind on getting the jobs done. You are actually able to accomplish quite a bit today. Just make sure that you keep a level head about the actual reality of the situation.

What does your Rising Sign have to say?

Too much exposure to computers or other irritants might have you feeling a little bit achy in the eyes and hands, so if you use computers make sure you take periodic breaks. This is also not a good day to run, as your muscles are more vulnerable than usual. Walk for exercise instead. A lot of fascinating information could come your way via the Web or other modern innovations. Do take care, though, even when reading.