YES!!!! We have internet!

Ok so here is what I was going to post on Saturday but couldn't...

Argh!

So AT&T is fucked up right now and I have no connection and can’t even get through on the phone line to the tech support to try to get this fixed. I really hate that. It pisses me off.

Today is not going to be one of those good breakup days. I have come to realize that I really do hate all that is happening. I am angry and mad and confused and I am tired of saying that this is for the best. I don’t think that it is. I lied. I want Connie here with me forever and I don’t get that. It’s not fair. It’s fucked up. What the hell happened to us? Where did all that life that we had in our marriage go? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

I am going into survival mode, which means that all I want to do is hurry up, and find someone else to fuck so that I can forget about the hurting. I know that it won’t take away the pain. I know that it would devastate Connie if I did. I know I really don’t want either on to happen. The pain will actually be good because at least I will learn never to give myself away to anyone again and Con really doesn’t deserve to be hurt.

I ache inside. I feel like shit. I don’t know what to do and I hate smiling and laughing and saying that things will be fine. So I‘m not going to anymore. I am going to cry and yell and scream and curl up in a ball in bed with the covers over my head and shut out the world.

Fucking AT&T. I wish they would hurry up and come back online so that I can post this and then go and hide. Man, am I angry. My head is burning. It’s probably good that I am writing all of this out now.

I know I’ll “get over it”. But, you know, it took 7 years to get here and I think I should have at least that many months before I can say it‘s not as bad as it is now.

Fuck the world, fuck relationships, fuck women!

And fuck AT&T.

I’m going to bed.