Man am I tired today. You know sometimes the best lessons in life are never learned and no matter what people say and no matter what you say back the truth of the matter is that you still won't ever learn that lesson.

*SIGH*

I'm ok now for the most part anyway. I will be mucking up my blog here shortly though so everyone be patient with me again.

YES!!!! We have internet!

Ok so here is what I was going to post on Saturday but couldn't...

Argh!

So AT&T is fucked up right now and I have no connection and can’t even get through on the phone line to the tech support to try to get this fixed. I really hate that. It pisses me off.

Today is not going to be one of those good breakup days. I have come to realize that I really do hate all that is happening. I am angry and mad and confused and I am tired of saying that this is for the best. I don’t think that it is. I lied. I want Connie here with me forever and I don’t get that. It’s not fair. It’s fucked up. What the hell happened to us? Where did all that life that we had in our marriage go? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

I am going into survival mode, which means that all I want to do is hurry up, and find someone else to fuck so that I can forget about the hurting. I know that it won’t take away the pain. I know that it would devastate Connie if I did. I know I really don’t want either on to happen. The pain will actually be good because at least I will learn never to give myself away to anyone again and Con really doesn’t deserve to be hurt.

I ache inside. I feel like shit. I don’t know what to do and I hate smiling and laughing and saying that things will be fine. So I‘m not going to anymore. I am going to cry and yell and scream and curl up in a ball in bed with the covers over my head and shut out the world.

Fucking AT&T. I wish they would hurry up and come back online so that I can post this and then go and hide. Man, am I angry. My head is burning. It’s probably good that I am writing all of this out now.

I know I’ll “get over it”. But, you know, it took 7 years to get here and I think I should have at least that many months before I can say it‘s not as bad as it is now.

Fuck the world, fuck relationships, fuck women!

And fuck AT&T.

I’m going to bed.

Man does this fit

Your Personalized Horoscope 11/30/01

Get your head out of the clouds today, Grace, and come back to earth for just a little bit. There are some things you need to take care of here. Mundane tasks and routine jobs won't be painful after you simply set your mind on getting the jobs done. You are actually able to accomplish quite a bit today. Just make sure that you keep a level head about the actual reality of the situation.

What does your Rising Sign have to say?

Too much exposure to computers or other irritants might have you feeling a little bit achy in the eyes and hands, so if you use computers make sure you take periodic breaks. This is also not a good day to run, as your muscles are more vulnerable than usual. Walk for exercise instead. A lot of fascinating information could come your way via the Web or other modern innovations. Do take care, though, even when reading.

Man, Scott where do you find these things?

If I was a James Bond villain, I would be Rosa Klebb. I enjoy severe military clothing, dominating young women, and kicking people with poisoned spikes. I am played by Lotte Lenya in From Russia With Love. Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test

What's scary is it's true!

I am 68% SKA.



Well, maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I shouldn't forget my roots, and remember that punk and reggae wouldn't exist without ska.

OK! You all know what's going on. You all know how Connie feels. You all know how I feel according to Lorene. Now here it all is in a nut shell.

EVERYTHING IS GREAT!!!!!!!

I truly mean that. This is actually the second best thing that has ever happened to me. The first was meeting Connie in the first place. Besides, I seem to have a much bigger circle of friends than I gave myself credit for. Thank you to everyone for your concern. Now that I know I had you all hooked, you will never get rid of me. I'm like that gum that get's stuck to the bottom of your shoe that no matter what you do you can never get rid of it all, no matter how much you pick at it. 8-)

I am more focused on school. I have an interview for an internship next week. I am looking into a few job's out of state. So I am finally growing up and becoming an adult again. It's been awhile but I am thinking it's a lot like riding a bike, once you are back on the seat the wheels can only go forward (unless you have one of those really weird bikes and then you can go forward and backward, but I have never had one of those so I am thinking that I'm ok there).

So, not to worry. Breaking up really isn't hard to do, if you do it the right way. We needed this. We had both stopped growing and we we're really beginning to get to each other. We are still great friends and I think it is going to stay that way. I know that we still love each other, we just can't stand the thought of living together. That's cool. I can think of much worse things than that. Like George coming at me with his shotgun. But even her parents are being really cool about this. It's kinda odd, since nothing was ever really said about who WE were to them, not that they didn't know. Like I said, not to worry.

Oh yeah...almost forgot. For all those who know her...Dondra is having a GIRL! Her name will be Abbigail (not sure about how they will spell this one) Victoria (after me) Nance (it's a dad thing). Cameron will have a baby sister sometime in March (I think it should be on the 6th personally).
Rolls are done got to cook the bread now.

By the way I finally answered all your reblogger thingies.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!

It is now 5:30am. I have been up since 2:00am when Connie finally finished her half of the feast cooking. I can now say, the Deviled Eggs are done, celery is stuffed with cream cheese, the rolls are in the oven, and I even made two cinnamon roll loaves because I had so much bloody dough left over. Connie made bread pudding with sauce, boiled eggs for me, finished cutting up veggies for the platter because I was way too tired to keep standing ( I got up at 3:30am yesterday), and made green bean casseroles. We put all this food together for two households. I think the parents got off easy. All they had to cook for was their homes.
Wel got to check on the rolls.

Well ok so now noone knows what I am doing but me so I think I'll be back here for a bit. At least until I get Java down a bit more.

Or maybe not.

Ok now I'm am making progress.

Now to get rid of the ugly background. But not before I cook dinner.

OK maybe not

WOOOWOOO I think this link works.

So I'm getting closer to what I want.

Ok so the test didn't work. hmmmm

This is a test. This is only a test. If this had been an actual blog the information on you screen would have contained something remarkably insightful.

Ok I am mucking again so bear with me.

So, I have been burning CD's for the last 3 and half hours. Why? Because I can. That and I really don't want to study today. I guess I am just looking for an excuse to stay away from my books.